Breast Cancer too?

Before all this happened, I had gone to the "woman" doctor for my yearly check up. During my exam, she found a lump. I immediately thought, "oh, crap." Breast cancer does run in my family and I have always feared of that diagnoses. My doctor said to keep an eye on it. At that time, I was completely fine with that answer.

Fast Forward--------

After my diagnosis with Malignant Melanoma, I started searching about MM trying to find as much information as I could find. I came across this article (here) about the connection of Breast Cancer AND Melanoma. I began to panic. All I kept thinking was about my lump in my right breast. What happens if my Melanoma has spread or if I DO have breast cancer. After many CRAZY thoughts, I called my "woman" doctor and explained to the nurse what has happened in the last month. She probably thought I was crazy, but I if you were just told that you have Skin Cancer and your doctor found a lump in your breast, you'd probably sound the same way-SCARED out of your mind.  After being on hold-for what seemed like FOREVER-she returned to the phone and had a slightly different tone, which I cued into right away. This made me panic a little bit more. She wanted me to come in as soon as I could get there. Hung up the phone and was there in 10 minutes. I think I surprised her. :)

Waiting in the doctors office is probably one of the hardest things. Your mind travels to horrible places that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. As I walked to the exam room, I felt my eyes fill up with tears. I tried really hard to control it, but it just didn't happen. I was an emotional mess. A week ago, I had found out that I had Cancer and today, I was possibly finding out that I had another one. The realization that I could possibly have two separate types of cancer was upon me.

The room was stale, cold, and extremely quiet. When she walked in we chatted about my excision of my Melanoma. She then began the quick exam. As she sat down in her chair and wheeled herself away from me, I noticed the look on her face. It was a concerned, worrisome face. I could feel my nerves hit the pit of my stomach.

She said, "Amanda, I am going to send you for a Mammogram and an ultrasound. I need you to get these done as soon as possible."

Her urgency scared me.

I came home, my husband opened the house door and said, "WELL?" I hunched over, placed my hands over my face and began to cry. Again.

My appointment wasn't for 4 days. Yep, 4 days of worrying, wallowing, and stressing. I tried to keep my mind off it, I really did. I actually don't think I left my couch. I caught up on The Real Housewives and Jersey Shore. Which, makes me laugh now. Thinking about Mike's famous-GTL. T=Tanning. Hmmm. I began to wonder if they new about Malignant Melanoma. Every person I have told, which isn't very many people, they have either told me that they have never heard of it or my favorite response, "It's just skin cancer. They can remove and it will be over. You will be o.k. once they get it out." - That is not the case. It will be with me forever. It will be a constant worry in the back of my mind. Every mole on my body will be looked at twice, three, four times daily wondering if that one too has Melanoma. It is never-ending. Many people have died from this. It IS CANCER. 

Finally, Monday morning came. My appointment was at the butt-crack of dawn and those of you that personally know me, know that I am NOT a morning person. My sister drove me. We didn't talk much in the car. As we walked in to what looked like a spa-damn, did I wish I was at the spa-I could feel my throat begin to close and my tears, yet again, filling my eyes. I was taken back to the "spa" locker room. I sat in my gown feeling quite helpless at that point. Just then, a lady walked out of a room and said, "Are you Amanda?" -Yep, that would be me. "Gosh, you are so young." -Yep, that's what I say. She grabbed my hand and told me that everything was going to be alright. At that moment, it was if she knew that I was going to be just fine. She sounded SO sincere and kind. I believed her. A sense of calm overcame my body and started telling her my story. Her facial expressions said it all. She felt sorry for me...

After my mammogram and ultrasound, the radiologists came into the room. She sat right next to me. I thought that was strange. I thought that meant it was going to be bad news. She said, "Amanda, you are free of Breast Cancer. I don't see a thing." As she was telling me, I saw her eyes well up with tears. She put her arm around me and hugged me. She must be a mom or a very caring Doctor. I needed just that. So there I was, in my awesome "spa" gown, with the radiologist, the ultrasound tech, and the mammogram tech, crying with these ladies. Yes, I said with. They were crying too, but this time it was tears of happiness.

~A