I saw this video on YouTube (Video) the other day and thought, WOW. This video hit home in so many ways. I would do so many things differently, well with the tanning bed and sun worshiping of course. When I was 16, I was the girl living at the beach or pool in her bikini all summer long. I yearned for the summer days relaxing and reading gossip magazines all day long from my folding chair. I LOVED it. I also worked at a Tanning Salon, but rarely tanned in there except for the occasional prepping for a school dance or working on my "base" tan for vacations.
Today, I look back and think, "How stupid was I to do this to myself?" I can say that it wasn't that I was stupid, but nearly uneducated about the effects of the sun. I didn't "respect the rays".
After waiting a year to get a mole looked at, a few days before Christmas my fear became my reality. I got the much waited for phone call from my dermatologist. It went a little like this:
Me: Hello?
Amanda?
Me:This is she.
I have your results from your pathology report.
Me: OOOOoooK.
You have Malignant Melanoma. The Doctor wants you to come ......
(At this point...All I heard was Malignant Melanoma...)
Me: Ok. Thank you.
(Yes, I seriously Thanked her.)
Have a good day.
Me: Bye. (Did she just tell me to have a Good Day?)
I hung up the phone and cried.. I cried hard. Harder than I have EVER cried before. I knew that my life was about to change. I have seen relatives go through Cancer. I understood the toll it takes on your body.
I.GET.IT.
After I collected myself, I called my mom. I tried telling her, but I couldn't. She new exactly what I was trying to say...and then there was silence on the phone. All you could hear were the sniffling of noses. It wasn't awkward sniffling-silence, it was silence brought to you by, HOLY CRAP THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME!
After we both collected ourselves, my mom hit me with 20 questions...I had no answers for her because when the gal was talking, I wasn't listening...All I heard was...MM. So, I called the office back...
Me: Hi, this is Amanda calling back...
I figured you'd be calling back. I didn't think you heard anything I said after I told you your diagnosis.
Me: Yeah, I was focused on that word "Malignant". Sorry.
Oh, don't be sorry. It happens.
Me: Ok, so give me the details of this thing again..
After discussing with her, I ran to the computer and starting searching.
This SHOCKED me.
I tried really hard to walk away from my computer, but I couldn't. All I kept thinking, "WHY ME?" "Am I going to die?" "What did I do to deserve this?" "What am I going to do?"
Going to bed that night was hard. I don't think I slept AT ALL. I don't think I have slept much since that day.
After a month of going back and forth about whether I wanted to share my story, I came to the conclusion that if I would have seen this video when I was 16, things might be different. Or, if I would have known the severity of me basking in the hot sun, that I so dearly loved, I might of put a little more than my Suntan Lotion with SPF of 3 on my body. So, I decided to share my story with all my -Dear 16 Year Old's out there. Letting them know that this CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE. Cancer doesn't care who you are, what you do, or where you are going in life.
I recently came across this quote and thought, "Yeah, this is totally me!"
"I am a STRONG person
but every now and then
I also NEED someone to
take my hand and say...
Everything will be ALRIGHT"
Until next time, think about buying some sunscreen and think twice about that tanning bed. :)
~A
If you have five minutes Watch the Video here: Dear 16 year old me
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